...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
