You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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