its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
