I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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