you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
