did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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