I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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