I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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