matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
