fuck your aforementioned shoe
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
