dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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