dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
