there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
