I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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