The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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