I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
