OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
