I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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