I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
