Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
