Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
