You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'd cum for enchiladas.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
