Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize