EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
