I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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