he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
