Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
