he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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