he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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