whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
