i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize