Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
