He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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