that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
