I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize