you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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