You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
