im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
