thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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