Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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