i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
