So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There r osticjed everywhere
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
