were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
