I just threw up on my dentist
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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