my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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