if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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