If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
