my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
