Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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