what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
