Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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