I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
