he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
