I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
