I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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