he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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