if only i could text you this smell
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
