the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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