My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My penis needs a shock collar
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
