Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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