i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize