You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
