barbara walters just said penis...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
