Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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