Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
