I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
