I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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