I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
