If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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